DogRipple Boutique

The WhiteVanMan

Taking kids to school. Cruising gently along at 30mph on a busy school road with

children, pushchairs and dogs spilling onto the road and yet with all these hazards around,

you know - you just know that the White Van Man will rear his ugly head and try and

ram it up the arse of your car!

 

He's waiting for us...

 

My baby is alseep in the back of the car and my daughter strapped in tight but still

dancing with Saint Vitus as she waves at her friends and hollers their name from the window.

 

I can see him in my rear-view mirror...Careering towards us..Rushing up to me..

 

Nevermind that the brave and the daring and the just plain stupid ahead are being flashed by police cameras for exceeding the speed limit.

Breaking gently, as lights turn amber..

Nevermind that I can see the lollipop lady preparing her kids for the intrepid

journey from South to North across the road.

 

He is still up the arse-end of my car!

 

I'm gritting my teeth and trying not to react to the danger my young family is being placed in...

 

I can see you smoking your fag, and shoving your face with a bacon bap and tomato

sauce oozing out onto your chin and falling to your belly.

 

How your van ever passed its MOT will always fail me.

 

Ode to Mr White Van Man

Mr White Van Man

Shave your face and brush your teeth

Wash your pits right underneath

File your nails and brush your hair

and then groom your derriere.

 

Mr White Van Man

Leave your cigarettes at home,

your bacon bap and mobile phone.

Take a breath and a moment,

Are you going to be a gent?

 

Mr White Van Man

Pull out your van so gentily

From my rearview, smile at me,

Not too close now, give me space

This school run is not a race.

 

Thanks to all burger suppliers, garages, van leasing suppliers and others who helped the White Van Man evolve into such a creature.

 

From a fed up mum!

 

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Port Authority - EZCotton Pique Sport Shirt. K800 Port Authority - Silk Touch Sport Shirt. K800 Make a strong first (and 20th) impression. Proven in independent lab tests to maintain its appearance up to 20 washes, the EZCotton Pique Sport Shirt has an anti-curl collar and resists pilling, fading, wrinkling and shrinking with ease. Crafted from super soft 100% long-staple cotton, the EZCotton Pique Sport Shirt has a professional appearance that s...

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